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ToughLove has been standing beside New Zealand parents and caregivers for over 40 years, helping families find their way through some of their hardest moments.
About ToughLove New Zealand
Take a deep breath. You're in the right place.
If things at home feel stressful, frightening, or completely out of control, you do not have to carry it alone.
ToughLove New Zealand is a community-based, registered charity built by parents, for parents. We support parents and caregivers with children of all ages, from chaotic toddlers to struggling adult children, who are feeling overwhelmed by challenging, destructive, or unsafe behaviour.
We do not judge. We do not blame. We just help you find your footing again.
Why Parents Join Us
When your home feels like a battleground, it is easy to feel isolated, guilty, and exhausted. Our weekly support groups give you a safe, confidential space to drop your guard and talk honestly with people who truly get it.
Through our structured programme, you will learn practical, proven tools to help you:
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Regain Control: Move away from constant fighting, screaming, and walking on eggshells.
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Set Clear Boundaries: Learn how to stick to your rules with love, confidence, and consistency.
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Handle the Hard Stuff: Get real strategies for dealing with lying, verbal abuse, truancy, or alcohol and drug use.
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Reclaim Your Peace: Shift your family dynamic away from fear and frustration, and move towards clarity and positive change.
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Real Support from People Who Have Been There
We don’t lecture you with textbook theories. Our groups are run by trained volunteer parents who have faced serious challenges in their own families, used the Toughlove programme themselves, and understand what it’s like to be in the thick of it.
We keep our doors open to every family through community grants, small membership fees, and donations.
Every dollar goes directly toward keeping our support network alive across New Zealand.
Born from a Lifeline (Our History)
ToughLove have been supporting New Zealand families since 1985, when our founder, Valerie Blennerhasset, established the first support group in Wellington.
It began after a single newspaper article about the ToughLove philosophy prompted more than 800 letters from parents looking for help.
Recognising just how widespread the need was, Valerie brought the official programme materials to New Zealand from ToughLove founders David and Phyllis York in America.
By 1990, parents from 75 grassroots support groups around the country had come together to form a national body. In 1993, ToughLove secured the official licence for New Zealand and the South Pacific, allowing local volunteers to be trained here at home.
More than 40 years later, we’re still helping families through some of their toughest times, with practical support, understanding, and hope for what comes next.
